Really Pointless Kitchen Gadgets

Really Pointless Kitchen Gadgets

Anytime you watch Food Network or Hell’s Kitchen, a little spark lights up and get you motivated to cook. It really drives you to wow your family and friends with your culinary skills….however if you don’t really cook that much to begin with, you are quickly reminded how lazy you are. Kitchen gadget companies know this little tidbit about you and make “must have” gadgets that will simplify life in the kitchen. The only problem is that there is some really stupid crap out there and for some reason, people actually buy it. Now any trip to Bed Bath & Beyond will probably turn up a few stupid items, but this column focuses solely on things that might actually be inside a person’s home and I’m purposely leaving out kitchen appliances (such as automatic hot chocolate and tea makers) out for another day. But here’s a few that I find incredibly pointless:

This Pizza Cutter Fork Thing-

I know some people are proper and eat their pizza on a plate with a fork and knife….that’s fine. I’m one of those damn heathens that pick up a slice and shovel it in. However, there are times when I do eat a pizza with a fork and knife; that time is when the pizza is too damn hot too eat with my usual method. Forks or not, this is dumb and unnecessary.

Apple Peeler-

Who the hell eats peeled apples in the first place? That skin keeps the apple from turning brown while you eat it. However, I can see the point if you are baking a pie or maybe paying sooo much attention to your diet that you don’t want the skins. But wouldn’t a regular knife do just as good? It probably takes more time setting this stupid thing up than it would with a quick knife-job (that’s kitchen lingo….not a dangerous sex act).

This Egg Fryer-

Oh look it’s so small and cute and it’s just perfect for making eggs in a cute creative way right??? Wrong. This is dumb and stupid. You lose your needed “cooking space” when it comes to making eggs. Not to mention that this limits you to one egg at a time and if you want scrambled eggs; tough shit, not going to happen with this pan. As far as probably making your eggs look perfectly round (if you even care in the first place) you can buy the equally dumb egg rings for that effect.

Electric Knife-

I’ve used this before, my mom uses one, it’s decidedly a possible quick and easy way to cut meat or bread, but you can probably cut bread and meat just as easy with a regular knife and since it’s not “sawing” the bread as quick, there’s decidedly less of a clean up job.

Pickle Fork-

Granted that unless you have your own jar of pickles, you really probably don’t want to taste the great unwashed hands of others when eating a pickle. This is a kitchen tool for idiots that are willing to pay between 10-85 dollars for something you can simply do with a normal dinner fork or a pair of tongs.

This Weird Honey Thing-

This thing is so pointless that I don’t even know what it’s proper name is. In fact, it’s so useless; I don’t believe I’ve ever seen one in person (although my Grandmother may have had one). I get that it somehow translates to “fresh honey” and therefore makes more appearances on cereal boxes than it does in actual kitchens. If I had to venture a guess, I’d say this thing probably is used to get honey out of a jar and drizzle onto bread or whatever else you put honey on….but that’s what those honey bears are for; they don’t require an annoying clean up and you just simply squeeze them to get the honey you need.

Did we leave any out? Do you own one of these items and think it was unjustly skewered by me? Comment below if so.

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