6 TV and Movie Families We Were Better Off *NOT* Meeting.
Sometimes after seeing a movie, we want to see what a character’s family might be like. Usually it pays off: Greg Focker’s parents were fun, we enjoyed meeting all the Assholes in Spaceballs, Indiana Jones’ son Mutt wasn’t bad (the movie was), and Jack Sparrow and Austin Powers both had fun fathers to meet. Usually we get to meet a character’s family by way of sequels or via a spin-off movie or TV show. Spin-off movies and TV shows have something of an interesting win-loss record. Family Matters, Frazier, Daria and Darkwing Duck were all Spin-offs that arguably equated or overshadowed the shows and movies that they spun-off from. However, sometimes meeting the family isn’t what it’s all cut out to be. Here’s 6 of them we were better off not meeting:
Chewbacca’s Family- It’s almost a given that if you pull together 7 or so Star Wars fans and ask them who their favorite character is, at least one will likely say Chewbacca. The beloved wookie is one of the biggest characters in the iconic space opera. In the ill-made Star Wars Christmas Special, we get to meet Chewbacca’s family. The made-for-TV special mostly centers on Chewbacca’s family (with a few side-bar scenes here and there ranging from the first appearance of Boba Fett and Betty White as a bartender at the Mos Eisley Cantina). It becomes very apparent that after a few minutes of seeing a Wookie family growl at each other gets pretty old, pretty quick. Chewy’s grandfather enjoys watching virtual reality porn too…OK maybe it’s a sultry music video, but you know he has dirty things loaded on there!! If you want to torture yourself you can watch it here.
Tazmanian Devil’s Family- I did watch quite a bit of Taz-mania in my childhood and it was fun to watch Taz’s family..they even made a video game! His Bing Cosby-inspired father would over explain things and use phrases like “all zipity day and all zipity night”, his siblings Jake and Molly were fun and his mother liked to talk on the phone and do chores. They weren’t bad to meet, but we’d have been better having never met them. Why do you ask? Simply put; they all talked normal but Taz still talked like….Taz! They also wore clothes but Taz did not! So that notion sorta makes you wonder if Taz has some developmental disorder.
Air Bud’s Family- The first Air Bud movie made everyone believe a dog could play basketball and even outplay humans. It’s inspiring! His sports career continued with football and I think a few other sports. Then Bud fathered some puppies and they continued his sports career and took it a step further by becoming movie stars, trick-or-treaters and astronauts. Obviously kids like seeing puppies talk and wear clothes but it sorta makes you sick seeing his family all the time. Air Bud is totally the Kardasians of the dog world.
Harry and Lloyd’s Families- Dumb and Dumber is a classic comedy and Dumb and Dumber To was still fun as well and better than expected. The prequel Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd introduces us to Harry and Lloyd’s days in High School. We get to meet Lloyd’s adoptive janitor father and Harry’s mother and they are….actually this movie was such a steaming pile of shit that it didn’t matter if we liked their families or not. The film was quickly determined to be non-cannon.
Steve Stiffler’s Family (minus his mom)- The American Pie franchise is a very popular series… that is, if you don’t count the direct-to-video spinoffs involving Steve Stiffler’s other family members and Jim’s Dad. Having seen one or two of these, it was better off just thinking of the Stiffler family to only consist of Steve Stiffler and his mother. Trying to have Stiffler’s younger brother be a cheaper “Stiffler” and having Jim’s dad inexplicably continue to hang out with hormone-raging teenagers just doesn’t come off as fun as the original movies. It’s sorta like when people at my old High School started calling my youngest brother by my old nickname…not as cool as the original and semi-irritating!
Cousin Eddie’s Family- The Vacation movies are a lot of fun, and I’m hoping the new sequel/reboot will continue the fun. With the Vacation movies, it was always fun to see crazy old Cousin Eddie pop up with his family. What made his family fun were that they were around just for a few jokes and were not front and center. In the terrible direct-to-video movie (like the rest of this list), we are stuck with Cousin Eddie and his family on an island and it’s nowhere remotely as fun as it sounds like it would be.