PopCultureAsylum‘s Last Minute Halloween Costumes for 2014
It’s now Halloween afternoon, this year everything falls on a Friday night; people are going to party on actual Halloween this year and YOU DON’T HAVE A COSTUME YET!!!! Don’t worry my slacker friends, I will once again give you my annual (annual meaning when I remember to do this) last minute Halloween costume suggestions.
Behold! The Power of the Suit!!!- A good suit can lead to several great last minute costumes, plus not owning one or two should be criminal. For costumes: You can style your hair into a pompadour and be Conan O’Brien, you could pop on shades and be a S.H.I.E.L.D agent and betray your friends while yelling “HAIL HYDRA!!” while doing so. The shades also work for Secret Service agent (protect a complete stranger all night), MIB agent (look for aliens), or Agent Smith (If you see a Neo, you must engage in combat). Also with some bandaids and some makeup created bruises you can be Mayhem (always a classic).
Walter Kovacs- Rorschach is by far the best character from Watchmen. However there’s always a brooding Rorschach hanging out and the mask is kind of pricey. Why not be Rorschach’s alter-ego: the extremely right-winged, paranoid Walter Kovacs. You just need a ratty suit and a cardboard sign reading “The End is Near”. This works out great if you are a ginger and have a pretty punchable face (natural or makeup enhanced). Other great alter-egos to pursue: Peter Parker (too many Spider-Men but if you dress like a press nerd with a camera, you’re puny Peter Parker!), Clark Kent (dress similar to Peter Parker but wear a fedora, maybe for a bit of humor if you can have a superman suit horribly concealed.), Bruce Wayne (just wear a nice suit and hang out with attractive women, as the night progresses the drunk playboy will come naturally…or horribly wrong.) or Tony Stark (same as Bruce Wayne…just cooler b/c he’s Iron Man).
Sim- Make a green cardboard diamond and somehow rig it to float over your head. That’s it. Bonus points if you are thwarted from going to the bathroom, eating, or sleeping by a chair being placed in front of you. Please don’t piss on the floor or burn down a house by cooking…that will lead to a bad time!
Too Soon Ideas- Every year someone usually does an ill-advised costume inciting a mix of laughter and anger. I am not a fan of these costumes but it inevitably happens. To be the iCloud scandal: Get a ton of cotton and whatnot to make yourself into a cloud and then either tape or hand out private and inappropriate photos of your friends (found this on the interwebs…so don’t get mad at me). Ebola just requires going either the zombie route or clean suit route if you have a leftover Walter White Costume.
Jake from State Farm– Red Shirt, Khakis, and a hideous voice is all you need to pull this off!
Lame Puns- These can either cause a chuckle or a groan but a world without puns is no…fun(s)? Anyway these are quick, easy and super cheap and it sometimes can strike up a conversation. Use a foam finger and write “Go Ceiling” on a white shirt = ceiling fan. Carry a frame in front of your face = self portrait. Carry an umbrella with plush (not real) dogs and cats = raining cats and dogs….there’s a lot of them.
WTF Is All This Sheet??- A plain white (and clean) bed sheet can help out in a Halloween costume bind. You can cut out eye holes and be a scary ghost!! Halloween is supposed to be scary fun, but really you don’t want to give people nightmares so please if you do this, I beg of you to not take it too far! A few spins on this uber-scary costume are: You can carry a sword and/or wear a crown to be your favorite deceased Game of Thrones Character, you can carry a rock and complain that’s the only thing you got trick or treating or you can put your clothes on over the sheet and be your own ghost!!! There’s also the toga route that can spin off into having bloody knifes all over you to be Julius Caesar, you can wear olive leaves and grapes while carrying around a endless amount of wine to be Dionysus or you can carry lightning bolts and be Zeus (please no turning into a swan to rape people…Zeus was a rape-y bastard)
Have a fun and safe Halloween!…Please don’t have/incite nightmares of Scary Ghosts!