RANDOM REVIEWS: KFC DOUBLE DOWN

 

2010 can be viewed as the year fast food joints began the "Great Artery Clogging Race", which is much like the Space Race, but instead of rockets, they used gross concoctions. The first fast food item that gained attention was the KFC Double Down.

 

The Double Down is a "unique twist on the chicken sandwich". This "twist" is that bread would be replaced by 2 chicken breast fillets with bacon, cheese and honey mustard in the middle. Often I'd joke about having an instant heart attack after eating one, but I decided in the interest of this site, I would see if my claim had any truth to it. So in my own unique way I decided to experiment with this theory.

I decided to make this a proper experiment, so a control was needed. I was going to do a volcano taco, but my wife told me comparing a taco to a sandwich or burger would be wrong, so I got Sonic's new "Spicy Southwest Burger", which is Sonic's clone of Burger King's "Angry Whopper" (which Burger King very tragically and unfairly ended thus causing my nearly year long boycott of BK). Sonic's version is nearly as good and fills the void and no joke; I ate this 3 times in the first week it came out.. Anyway back to the experiment: The Sonic Spicy Southwest will serve as the control as it has proven to be a good burger. Also for safety reasons, I will be wearing my 3 Wolf Moon T-Shirt so that in the event that I have cardiac arrest, the magic powers of the wolves on my shirt will resurrect me. So here's how the experiment went:


Experiment

The setup!

textbooks

Since this wasn't a part of the genus "Sandwichis Normalis", we tried to figure out what the hell the Double Down would be classified as, these books sadly did not have an answer.

dissecting

I resorted to dissecting the Double Down to see what I was up against.

7layersofgross

Six Layers of Grossness

bite

Me taking an elegant bite

contemplating

Admitedly the first bite really wasn't that bad, but it wasn't that great either.

tums

Within 20 minutes of trying the Double Down, I wasn't feeling my greatest. I am convinced the magic of the 3 Wolf Moon Shirt saved me from certain death but the power can only go so far, so Tums was needed to do the rest.

Verdict: Overall, the first couple of bites of the Double Down were pretty decent and I thought I was ignorantly criticizing the food, but the more I ate of it, the less happy I felt. The biggest mystery for me had to be "Why does the cheese taste so bad?" seriously the cheese had to be the worst part of it, it was this melty gooey not-cheese taste. Secondly, even if I thought this was the best fast food ever ( trust me it's not!), this defies all logic to making something to eat. I'm sure if you stuck two burger patties together and threw a tomato, ketchup or mustard, lettuce, cheese and pickles in the middle of the two patties it would taste decent since all those ingredients taste great in their own right, but you really wouldn't be proud of eating it either. For the case of the Double Down: I ate it, I didn't mind it too much, but in the end I wasn't particularly happy that I ate it, and I think I just made my stomach cry out "WTF?". Now if you'll excuse me I need to offset the confusion of my stomach by eating a spicy southwest burger. Besides, there are much much worse things out there than the KFC Double Down:

canwich

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