2010: The Year Science Tried To Ruin My Childhood

2010: The Year Science Tried To Ruin My Childhood

Is it just me or have scientists just suddenly become senile bastards? In the last few years slowly but surely, science has been destroying every little thing we’ve learned in Elementary.  First Pluto was kicked out of the solar system a few years back, and this year, scientists have tried to destroy dinosaurs as we know them.

Pictured: My Un-tarnished Childhood

People that know me personally know that I never outgrew my childhood fandom of dinosaurs. In fact, I plan to introduce my nephew to the wonderful world of dinosaurs this Christmas and create a protégé in my dino-fandom. Dinosaurs have and will always be a major interest for me, I mean up until 10th grade I wanted to be a paleontologist, and I am constantly tempted to take leave at my current job to be a part of a dino-dig. If asked about one of my favorite childhood memories, I’ll easily say it’ll be that time my parents let me and my brothers skip school to go see a museum exhibit displaying the props, dinosaurs and fossils from Jurassic Park (still have the souvenir “Making of Jurassic Park” book, which has been read so many times the binding is falling apart.) Plus I think I had more fun doing that than learning multiplication tables…so yeah it was good for me. Needless to say, dinosaurs are one of my biggest interests and this year I was filled with rage over a few theories that scientists tried to pass off to try to tarnish the way we see dinosaurs today. Here are some of the claims made:

“Triceratops Never Existed”

Really?? This one hurt me…a lot! One of the coolest dinosaurs that wasn’t called Velociraptor, was really close to being erased from history!!! It turns out that the lamer sounding “Torosaurus” was in fact the mature form of Triceratops and they actually had the gall to say that Triceratops never existed!!! W-T-F!!!!!

Nearly erased from history!

However, it turned out that since Triceratops stared in Jurassic Park and outsold Torosaurus toys by A CRAPTON (not to mention, that spell-check refuses to acknowledge the stupid word “Torosaurus”), they decided it was in the best interest to just call Torosaurus “Triceratops” as well and just keep the name….damn right! I mean not that many people care about Pluto, but had they erased Triceratops from history, there would have been hell to pay.

Fun Fact On The Same Topic: Did you know that there’s no such thing as a Brontosaurus? Turns out a few bones got mixed up and Brontosaurus had the head of another dinosaur and now is just a synonym for Apatosaurus.

“T-Rex Looked Like A Chicken”

In Elementary, we learned that the name Tyrannosaurus Rex, meant “Terrible Lizard”, we sang songs about T-Rex being “King of the Dinosaurs”, and before Jurassic Park introduced everyone to Velociraptors, T-Rex was pretty much the biggest baddest dinosaur around.

However,  T-rex has had it’s badass name tarnished over the years. It went from major killing machine to a scavenger (which wasn’t that bad, made it seem more crocodile like and it still sounded awesome because it would make other predators it’s bitch by stealing their food.)

Then this happened:

WTF??

The feather theory on bi-pedal dinosaurs is hardly a new theory, paleontologists have been suggesting a few dinos may have been feathered for years… but really???? Really???? How are we supposed to love and fear T-rex when it looks like a freaking chicken??? I kinda want to eat one now rather than tremble in fear. This is NOT how T-rex should look….ever. I keep wanting to wake up thinking this is a nightmare but this is the sad world we live in today. I mean Archeopteryx stands out as the coolest feathered dino, with velociraptor still looking scary as hell feathered, but T-rex just looks… very lame.

Nightmare Fuel

“Big Ass Flying Dinosaurs Didn’t Fly!”

This may not have happened...

Usually when we picture dinosaurs, we imagine a T-rex and Triceratops engaging into a battle to the death with volcanoes firing off in the background and in the sky giant flying dinosaurs create the Cretaceous period’s version of blimp-cam. However, in addition to saying T-rex was a giant chicken, and the Triceratops being a figment of our imagination, scientists would also like for you to purge that image of flying dinosaurs from our imaginations as well. They say that this is because most flying dinosaurs (mostly the giraffe sized Pterosaur) was too big to fly. However within months they did a full 180 and said

“OK so those big ass flying dinosaurs *DID* Fly….kinda (for now)”

Despite saying we can’t ever think of flying dinos again, a new theory is that big flying dinos such as Pterosaur would “pole vault” themselves into the air and could fly thousands of miles by riding air currents (aka gliding)….making Pterosaur pretty freaking scary with it’s “Death from above”. Seriously look at this thing..

Now imagine it flying

However, I won’t dwell on this minor victory too much, because based on what we’ve heard so far this year, the next few years may be a very grim time for dinosaurs.

While science tries to ruin dinosaurs permanently, I’m glad that Jurassic Park was made before any of this ever happened. It just simply would not be the same, luckily we got to end everything with velociraptors having only a few feathers rather than being covered in them as they are now believed to have looked like.

Strangely scarier than in Jurassic Park

Personally, I feel all this hard work should be put to better use…such as finding a cure for cancer rather than being spent on “new and exciting ways to ruining everyone’s childhoods”.  I guess next they’re going to say this never happened:

Dinosaurs with Lazers!!!

4 thoughts on “2010: The Year Science Tried To Ruin My Childhood”

  1. If there’s a bear coming at you, are you gonna laugh at it because it looks like a squirrel or run because it’s a bear?

    I hope you run.

    If there’s a Tyrannosaurus coming at you, are you gonna laugh because it looks like a chicken or run because it’s a Tyrannosaur?

    I hope you run.

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